Let Me Be Your Deep

GETTING STARTED

When I was younger, two experiences affected me profoundly. In an effort to silence the chaos these experiences brought, I worked hard to do the right things, be the best friend, and carefully express myself in a “gentle and quiet spirit” type of way. And then one day, Jesus called me out of my safe existence into the swelling sea of deep, unchecked emotion. Feelings I did not know I had threatened to undo me, and I pleaded with God to pull me back to safety. He did not. He kindly hurled me further into the squall where what I’d worked so hard to control, blew away.

While I confronted my past, the Psalms were my constant companion. This is one of my favorites.

READ THE WORD: PSALM 42:7-8 (ESV)

⁷ Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
⁸ By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.

RESPOND TO GOD

God used the loving constraints of my marriage to force me to face … me. I learned the hard way that, by drowning the unpleasant feelings my deepest pain revealed, I was covering my vulnerability in shame. Nothing good comes from hiding, so when relating got messy, I was unable to cope with feeling exposed. I would either berate or defend myself. Neither makes for very good company.

In my gradual, yet steady, healing, I heard Jesus whisper, “Let me be your deep—your deep longing to be whole, your deep hope to be known, your deep desire to relate. Let me be your deep.” The waves of heartache and swell of shame-breakers he’s allowed to wash over me will only pull me under if that’s what is needed to draw me deeper. Yet I have found his steadfast love is unfailing. Even as captain of the sea, he is still Savior; he hears me in my distress and buoys me. It takes great courage to live life to the full (and in the deep).